Who controls a session?

Well this is perhaps one of the biggest and controversial question in BDSM - Who controls a session? One cannot answer this question and have everyone agreeing to this - people will have their own opinions though a much broader audience will think that the dom/domme controls a session, but in truth actually the submissive controls the session. Be it a safeword driven session, a one-off session, or a hardcore professional session it is always the submissive which sets the limit and draws the line along which the dom/domme plays.

Well it looks quite contradictory if you draw your opinion from the hardcore bdsm or whipping videos where it seems that the dom/domme is very much incharge - to some extent he is. And isnt bdsm all about that - Making someone else incharge of you? Its not the incharge part which plays the major role but the making or giving part which is decisive. Exactly how much do you wish to give, how much do you wish to take these are the parameters that draws the line.

Safeword is everything, even in a hardcore professional session, and yes also in those training of O videos as well. Believe I have been to a few professional sessions as well, well had to shell quite a few bucks too, but nevertheless was quite enriched learning experience. Even in those you tend to have a formal discussion before you engage in the session - where you discuss your fantasies, limits, experiences and all with the dom/domme who then plays well along those lines. So the next time when you see someone having his ass whipped blue and violet, think again that is probably a trick, there are numerous techniques to achieve that visual effect without hurting much - all about angles and impacts of the blow.

But going back to our original topic - it is fairly important the the submissive draws the line but also important that he does not stay in control. Along safety there must exist trust - if you have laid down your limits next what you should do is trust your dom/domme to abide by them. Because if you try to stay in charge trying to intimidate every now and then you will end up losing the flair and intention alltogether. Because that is what BDSM in core is giving up yourself to the wishes and not whims of someone else - wishes that are mutually discussed and agreed by both the party, and always keep some safe words handy.

Dont forget to compromise a little for your master/mistress's sake - there is nothing more compelling than a satisfied dom/domme - be responsible, be safe, have fun.

-Slave Babai, 14July'10, London.